COACHELLA 2009 FESTIVAL GUIDE
After a long wait, the lineup for the 2009 Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival was finally revealed in the wee early morning of Friday, January 30, 2009. Important choices need to be made when going to Coachella, whether you’re on a one day mission or partaking in a three day endurance test. This is where I come in. Having been to Coachella twice (I’m pretty much an expert) I’d like to think that I have a firm understanding on what to do/not to do at Coachella. With that in mind:
My 2009 Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival Guide: [Do’s & Don’ts to having a great time and not being victim of an onsite EPIC FAIL].
Ignore the haters: You’re probably going to get a lot of grief from your friends that this year’s lineup isn’t as great as years past and that you’re a fool to have paid all that money to see a show that’s not going to feature Animal Collective, Radiohead or a reunited Smiths or Pavement. Talk pride in knowing that you’re going to have the time of your life while your friends are going to have to wait a bit to watch some decompressed video of Saturday's Band of Horses performance. They probably won’t even get a good glimpse of Ben Bridwell’s amazing beard.
Bring a friend: I don’t think I’ve ever seen a person at Coachella walk by themselves.
Arrive at Coachella at 3:30 PM: If you’re going to have fun at Coachella you’re going to have to be at 100 percent so if you arrive at 11 AM chances are you’re going to be tired by 3:30. Take it from me: I came into my first Coachella (2004) wanting to see everything so I arrived at 11 AM. Never did I expect the long trek to the main gate or the long line that appeared once I arrived. By night’s end I was delirious and had to skip out on Kraftwerk. Learning from my mistake I arrived at the 2007 edition on a Saturday at around 3:30 PM. I made it just in time to see Hot Chip who were one of the memorable performances of that day. By the end of the night I had enough man power to escape the sounds of RHCP.
Don’t wear a silly outfit: For reals everyone, please.
Avoid the VIP tent if you have access to it: Sure you can drink harder drinks (if you’re not into beer or like soda) and yeah you can chill out on leather couches and play arcade games if you want but really it’s not as awesome as advertised. The only benefits are the amazingly clean bathrooms (OMG actual soap at Coachella) and those equally amazing fans that cool you down in seconds.
Don’t eat any food at Coachella unless it’s a slice of cheese pizza: The food at Coachella can be pretty dangerous. What I recommend especially if you’re coming from Los Angeles is to stop at the Snack Attack near Cabazon California. It’s literally snack heaven. Load up on the car drive over and fill yourself up before you step into the Empire Polo Grounds. Plus the Snack Attack shares its location with a Church’s Chicken, the best place to get fried chicken in California. Tremendous.
Take a nap at the PlayStation booth: Besides playing some PlayStation 3 as you wait for the next act you can bask in the glory of air conditioning. Holler.
Avoid the Virgin Megastore autograph booth: Seriously who really wants an autograph from Conor Oberst. On second thought...
Pray for rain: I often wonder what a Coachella event would be like if it occurred amidst 60 degree weather or better yet if it rained like hell. Could you imagine mud slides or a huge mud fight during Sunday’s Fucked Up performance? Glorious!
Text/Twitter constantly: Nothing says I’m at Coachella and you’re not than sending multiple text/Twitter messages that say "OMG, I think I saw someone throw up their frozen lemonade" or "Flavor Flav just walked past me. DON’T BELIEVE THE HYPE."
If you see a celebrity, it’s okay to talk to them: Another major mistake I’ve made at Coachella was not saying hello to Jessica Alba as she walked inside one of the tents to catch!!! (Chk Chk Chk). Even though she was backed by her entourage, I easily could’ve said, "yeah you just missed 'Heart of Hearts,' it was rad." So if you so happen to see Danny DeVito (a Coachella regular) at the Mike Patton & Rahzel set on Friday, tell him he was great in that Twins movie. Junior too.
Do not miss any performance that involves a robot: History has shown that the most landmark of Coachella performances have involved robots. Daft Punk’s return to glory performance in 2006 made people weep. And last I checked people still really loved Kraftwerk, many of whom probably consider "Robots" to be a monster jam. If it just so happens that Fleet Foxes are rumored to be wearing homemade aluminum robot outfits, it’d be in your best interest to save yourself a spot.
OMFG it’s My Bloody Valentine: Sure Friday night has Macca and Leonard Cohen and Saturday has... The Killers, but in all honesty, MBV in the desert will be a memorable spectacle of sound and vision. You might as well just start waiting on the main stage on Sunday. No 3-D glasses necessary.
Keep hope alive: Coachella loves to sneak in a last minute addition that is epic in sale. So who knows, maybe you’ll see Pavement (unless Malkmus is busy with his fantasy basketball league), The Smiths, maybe even David Bowie himself in full glam Ziggy Stardust regalia. If that were to occur make sure you’re not hallucinating. Eating six churros before sundown can do that to you.
Attend at least one pre/mid concert/post Coachella party: I hear Anthem throws an amazing party during Coachella.
And finally:
Attach a huge sign to your car that has a huge red arrow on it and in the arrow it says in big bold black lettering: "This is [Insert Your Name Here] Car": TRUST ME it’s going to help dividends.
Have fun at this year’s Coachella. Oh yeah remember to drink water and wear plenty of sunscreen. I imagine you knew that already.
