08/13/08
Text: Scott Indrisek
Last Friday, San Francisco played host to the 2008 Cuervo Black US Air Guitar National Finals. We were excited to learn of this recent competition, since it reminded us of how very much we despise the concept of air guitaring, and how perplexed we are that this media-ready “phenomena” is still being practiced in the 21st century.
Anthem’s not immune to the fever. When Dan Crane, a.k.a. Björn Türoque, penned his air guitar memoir (To Air Is Human), we covered it. Mr. Crane’s a wonderful dude—and we had fun photographing him in a sort of rock ‘n roll unitard, doing leg kicks in Times Square—but he’s put himself at the vanguard of what threatens to be a tiresome tidal wave of air-guitar related press. Because people, listen: this shit just does not stop.
To Air Is Human has evidently been optioned by DreamWorks in late ‘07. It joins the air guitar documentary, Air Guitar Nation, along with whatever air guitar-related projects are kicking around in the NYU film department. If air guitar has any close cousin, it’s the “sport” of competitive eating. Both are slightly obscure, eccentric traditions that continue, year after year. Both thrive in the public eye because they make good copy—and they’re evergreen, in publishing terms, which means any hack can write a 3,000 word ‘investigative feature’ on the topic, at any time, over and over and over again, by calling up a few “experts” with names like Shreddy Mercury or Guitarsonist. (Yeah, we’ll admit it—those two are pretty funny.)
So, air guitarists of the world, let’s do ourselves all a favor. Practice your passion a bit more secretively. Stop hiring publicists. Stop thinking that, with a little pluck and determination, you can parlay your weird habit into a successful career. Because you know what? The aforementioned Dan Crane has already done it, and we’re happy for him, but we don’t expect the “air guitar autobiography” to become a burgeoning genre any time soon.
To paraphrase Neil Young—it’s better to burn out than to fade away, especially when you’re shredding on a guitar that isn’t even real.
The irony, of course, is that here you are hacking your own piece on the competitions. I appreciate the shout-outs, but it's clear you were not in attendance that night. If you had been, you'd have known it was one of the greatest spectacles ever witnessed on a stage. I'm serious. And you know, we don't do this because we think we're going to get a book or a film deal (I've already gotten one, so why do I keep going?). We do it because it's a fucking good time. The crowd loves it, the participants love it. Hell, even Lou Seal, the SF Giants mascot loved it. I find it continually surprising and amusing how much people who have not attended the events insist on degrading them, as if air guitar is some kind of threat to them or to "real" guitar. Christ, aren't there enough shitty bands out there in the world making bad music every night of the week? Why don't people get angry at Guitar Hero? Can't you just let people put on some spandex, drink a lot of beer and enjoy themselves once a year? Lighten up, hipster tools! The air awaits... -Bjorn
Bjorn
August 13, 2008 at 10:09 PM